The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.
I'm just waiting for the right person, the right heart, I just hold a lot of value into it.
Andy, please don't, donald trump will kill both of us.
He'll have another surgery when he's around 6 or 7 years old, but in the meantime, he's doing great.
We're sorry we interrupted the movie.
In hindsight, trying to work in the words 'my humps my humps, my lovely lady lumps' may have been a mistake.
There is no one I would love to fight more than you, I will put my christian values aside just for you and for that fight.
If your baby is going to die and read morehe doesn't have to, read morehe shouldn't matter how much money you make.
There's one smart person in our family, and she counseled us and explained everything to our family so I didn't have to.
He appeared to be a healthy normal baby until about three hours after he was born.
Almost every week, someone's mad at me.
I only get unusual ailments.
I have like fifteen televisions in my house.
I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.
That's my main flaw I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.
They actually increased funding by $2 billion and I applaud them for doing that.
It just kind of closed up on its own, I don't know why it happened. I still don't know why.
You keep suggesting we' like' something, stop it, because we barely like you.
I'm a terrible golfer.
My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.
I can't be as flip as I once was.
On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.
I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie?
If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
