Crazy diets, good diets, you can't name one I didn't do.
I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know.
I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.
I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more.
I'm not saying the N word anymore.
I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems.
The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.
I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.
You have to really be on your own side.
Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong.
Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny.
William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.
Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the prize was fire.
Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump.
Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here.
Nobody escapes during Lisa Lampanelli's show.
Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me.
If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.
If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him.
I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey.
I've gone through literally over 30 years of struggle with weight and food and body image... And I'm like, 'Wait a minute.'
I'm not a political comic at all, so it would be weird if I just turned into a preachy, sort-of political commentator.
I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do.
I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.
I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, 'You're sold out - you can add two more shows.'
I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny.
