A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long.
When there are monsters there are miracles.
Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.
Purity is obscurity.
He without benefit of scruples his fun and money soon quadruples.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Senescence begins and middle age ends, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.
Middle age: when you're sitting at home on saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
If called by a panther don't anther.
Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, and it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
Here's a good rule of thumb too clever, is dumb.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin with a grin.
Poets aren't very useful, because they aren't consumeful or very produceful.
Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
Parsely is gharsley.
In the world of mules there are no rules.
There are people who are very resourceful at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
