When choosing between the lesser of two evils . . . Choose the one that you haven't tried yet.
You don't have to motivate passion, unless you're married.
Whoever said "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" was an idiot!
There are no stupid questions except What's my name again?
When I was young I use to go to the beach so much my mom would call me a "Son of a Beach".
When in Rome . . . Rome around.
Even unconditional love has it's conditions.
I went to the Hollywood Bowl last night . . . I bowled a 126.
Money Talk's . . . Mine keeps saying Goodbye!
Once I had a dog that died of lead poisoning . . . I shot him in the head.
Tattoos are just one more way to identify a body.
Tomorrow is always the busiest day of the week.
Two wrongs don't make a right but Three lefts do.
I'm not afraid of falling . . . I'm afraid of landing.
Clowns taste funny.
Money will trump morals the majority of time.
When I was young my parents use to move a lot . . . But I'd always find them.
Wisdom is using knowledge through God's perspective.
Character is something you do when no one else is watching.
All things happen for a reason . . . Even No Reason is still a reason.
Any Terrorist living in the US will either leave or the people of the United States will eliminate you.
Humans are the only creatures that have the ability to forgive.
I became a comedian because I couldn't make it as a Porn Star.
If you believe that the Bible has all the answers maybe you're not asking the right questions.
If you really want to master something, it's best to learn from a Master.
Once I had a dream that I was sleeping.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Do you think that Jesus looked both ways before crossing?
Having a body tattoo is like wearing the same shirt everyday for the rest of your life.
I just realized that Disneyland was the first human maze run by a mouse.
